The Penalty Box

I’ve been on the job near four months now, and these are a few things my co-workers have taught me (or attempted to):

• Chicken from the McChickens and Chicken McNuggets come from egg laying hens who are past their egg laying prime. One of the Flash developers lived on a farm as a kid, and apparently the chickens get chucked into this thing that’s similar to a tree chipper. It pulls the feathers off of the birds while killing them and deposits them into the back of a waiting truck. Apparently this is the most humane and efficient way of doing it. 9 year old kids are paid to carry the chickens to their fate, two at a time. The dogs on the farm love rolling around under the machine because blood and guts sorta rain down while this process goes on. Oh, and some of these chickens also go to Purina. Yep, that’s right, your McChicken is also dog food grade chicken.
• Apparently the world would be a better place if everything was ActionScript 3. I happen to disagree.
• You can make a stun gun out of a disposable camera and some cheap wire. This can melt skin.
• A good cleanse involves drinking enough liquids to pee every 45 minutes.
• One of the most important things in life is to give a girl a big rock. I would love to introduce her to my buddy Jesse, who can rant for hours on African blood diamonds.
• The biggest KKK group in Canada is in Salmon Arm. I thought it was in Prince George, but that’s probably Hedy Fry’s fault.
• It is a bad idea to sniff the air near a woman and say, “Your scent is different today.” It is a really bad idea to attempt to explain that it is a joke afterwards. It is an even worse idea to say that your “joke” was a quote from a movie about a serial killer that kills women and makes perfume out of them. Fortunately, the girl in question was a pretty good sport about it and passed it off as the guy being a giant dork.
• You can captivate the patrons of Starbucks for an entire hour just by playing Stepmania on your laptop.
• It is probably a bad idea to date the part owner of your favourite restaurant and have a messy breakup. And keep going there for lunch. While she’s on shift.

I must say, it certainly hasn’t been boring, nor is the cast of characters that I interact with every day.

I saw one of my co-workers drinking tea directly from the teapot. As in, spout to mouth. Is this sort of like the Chinese version of drinking milk straight from the carton?

If you ever hear anyone list the actual things they like about their job, chances are (assuming they like their job) money is not at the top of the list. It’s almost always something intrinsically motivating, something intangible. Perhaps your co-workers are pretty awesome, or your manager isn’t a dick. Maybe you find what you do incredibly fulfilling. I watched this TED Talk again for the third time and every time I wonder why more companies can’t understand this concept of intrinsic motivation. If your company understands this, you almost certainly work for a really awesome company.

…but that doesn’t make it any easier.  It’s a curious emotional roller coaster when layoffs happen in at the company you work at. At times, it’s worse for those that stay behind. Call it Survivor’s Guilt, call it resentment, call it whatever you want. A sense of humour usually appears to mitigate the negative feelings, although it seems the outgoing personnel have a better mood than the ones that keep their jobs (at least the ones that are confidently employable). I won’t compare it to death because that’s far too much of a dramatization, but despite any rational thought of being able to continue communication through other means besides “being at work,” there is a brief worry of “I’m not going to see these people again.”

Besides the people front, one also goes through thoughts like “Wow, I still have my job” and “Shit, I have all this work.” How does one avoid feelings of resentment and bitterness? I don’t know if you can; when you work closely with your co-workers and develop friendships as a result, you can’t just shove all of that under a rug and go to work the next day without SOME kind of effect on your person. Tempering such feelings has a lot to do with how your company proceeds next (ie how they communicate, take care of those laid off, manage work expectations with a reduced staff). Talking to former co-workers probably also has a collaborative healing process.

In any case, it’s better to not make any decisions in a raw emotional state. Process, think, seek advice, decide.

I am amazed that turned out as coherently as it did. If it weren’t clear enough, layoffs happened at my company, but I was not among them. If, however, you are aware of openings for the following positions, I would be appreciative of an e-mail so I can pass the necessary details onto some former co-workers:

• Web developer
• Development manager/Project manager
• Office manager/Executive assistant
• Accountant
• Semantic modeller

Now I’m gonna go toast ‘em off with some scotch. Here’s to you, guys. Been a pleasure.

Ever get your brain really fried over a problem that you spent the better part of 5 hours solving? Then only to find out you only sorta solved it when you got home? And THEN realizing it’s not even goddamn FRIDAY yet?

I am mentally exhausted and I still have way too much work to do. I should’ve taken a vacation.

One of the questions generally asked in interviews is “Where do you see yourself in five years?” At the time, coming out of university, I figured I would actually think about this so I wouldn’t look like a total goof when it inevitably came up. It ended up pretty standard: pay my dues, shoot for making senior developer, be on track to, if not already, holding down some major project and responsibilities. While my end goal still is to hit the senior developer rank, I’m not so sure I want it in the immediate future. Granted, I’m only 3 years out of school, so my mind may change in the next two years. However, just by working and discussing with my peers at my company, the role of senior developer comes with a lot of responsibility (which I don’t mind) and a lot of extraneous crap (which I do mind).

Politics is the nature of the beast, no matter if you’re in academia or industry. Simply by working with people you have to deal with conflicting personalities, different ideas and unusual processes. In a more junior position, one is generally shielded from a lot of the political crap that goes on behind the scenes. Your manager gives you tasks, you do them, and the only real conflict you may deal with is with others who are around the same level of the food chain you are on. Of course, your manager might be a douchebag too, but for the most part you’re dealing with people you work with rather than for.

When you actually move up to a lead role, even if you aren’t a manager, you start dealing with management crap. It’s more sophisticated and complex than peer-to-peer crap, and there’s often less you can do about it. How much you can do about it depends on the company culture; is constructive criticism encouraged, or is it merely dismissed as “negativity”? Are collaborative efforts encouraged, or is the term just a buzzword to fake an inclusive environment? How much does management listen to the troops, trying to understand what’s going on in the trenches? Not being able to do anything is one of the most frustrating things when dealing with crap.
In analyzing any situation, I always ask if I’m ready for it. Ready or not, life comes with some unexpected bumps and situations. Work’s thrown a bit of a curveball, and the ramifications are yet to be determined. Overall, the last three years have gone nowhere near what my original “plan” was, but it’s not like it’s been a terrible experience; far from it, in fact (aside from a couple of hiccups). It’s often said life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. I plan to just roll with how things come; dealing with the unexpected separates the good developers from the bad ones.

One of the constants in life, aside from death and taxes, is employee turnover. There have been people who have left my company before, but it has been a while since someone working longer than me has left. Work has been a little crazy these last few months, and while the craziness has not affected me directly, it has had some ripple effects throughout the company. I suspect that craziness has caused the departure of one co-worker today. Politics rose its ugly head, and how each type of person handled the situation differed depending on the position. Despite my bias in favour of my developer peers, I have been able to observe how the situation arrived at its current destination. Change is most definitely needed, yet it may require a genius feat of social engineering to pull it off considering the number of strong personalities at play.

Another co-worker decided to take a leave of absence to go sailing for four months. I don’t know if he’s actually coming back, although I hope he is. I’m not sure if I could ever take that much time off to travel; there’s something comforting about a daily routine of work that allows for some semblance of order. Not having any idea what the next day could bring disturbs that large part of my brain that encompasses my obsessive compulsiveness and organization. It’s true that the unknown and the unexpected add to the quality of life, but I don’t think I could take that much unknown at once. Of course, my co-worker has been at the company for more than five years now, so this could very well be an introspective to help him decide where he wishes to go next. Maybe those two GPS units he’s taking along will help him out.

Now that I’ve been working a couple of years, people often ask me how long I’ll be staying at my current job. I find that as long as boredom does not set in, and there’s some kind of fulfillment to the work I do, I don’t feel a need to change jobs. Of course, other factors play in, but that’s the general gist of it. Changes within the company itself, whether they come from company direction or employee changes, generally provide new challenges and opportunities. I suppose there’s a bit of unknown and certainty in all of that, both in the long and short term respectively.

Change causes adaption and re-ordering. Guess I have some sorting to do. Wonder if I can do it in O(log n).

My co-worker and I had a discussion today about how certain people are really good at discretely paying a cheque without anyone noticing until it’s too late. I commented that this was fairly prevalent in Chinese culture (the term “cage match” adequately describes some family dinners, particularly if the family is from out of town). He mentioned that he has seen it amongst Koreans as well, leading me to wonder if this is just a Southeast Asian thing. He said it’s something “whiteys” do as well (for note, he’s white, so I assume he knows what he’s talking about), but generally they fall into three general categories:

1. Split evenly among X, where X is the number of people attending the meal.
2. Everyone chips in what they owe.
3. Everyone takes turns paying for the meal, rotating on some pre-determined basis.

Most of my experience with my western friends falls into category 2. A corollary to this method is what my friends call “The Beer Economy.” The way it works is if you owe Jack some form of monetary compensation, whether it be a meal or a small loan to buy something, you can pay Jack back by buying him beer, where beer is generally beer but can also take the form of some other thing when going out somewhere (movie ticket, shots, dinner, et al). A new method introduced by my co-worker is the “Credit Card Lottery,” which is an offshoot of category 3. This is where everyone puts their credit card into the bill folder and asks the waiter/waitress to randomly select a card to pay for the meal. A novel idea, but it takes a fairly long time for it to even out amongst the group should it grow beyond a small party. Still, it’s a safer form of gambling that provides entertainment and food.

Chinese bill payments are nowhere near as civil. Arguments never turn maliciously violent, but there have been occasions of wrestling. I have also seen moves that would put the Harlem Globetrotters to shame. Reasons used in arguments include (but are not limited to):

• “I’m older than you.”
• “Your kids are out of the house.”
• “I’m staying at your place.”
• “You’re staying at my place, so I’m hosting you.”
• “You have kids.”
• “It’s my birthday.”
• “It’s your birthday.”
• “You’re a growing boy/girl.” (This happens as long as there’s someone older than you)
• “I know the manager.”
• “You’re a student.”

A couple happen with my western friends (namely “it’s your birthday” and “you’re a student”). Honestly though, I’m pretty sure most of the arguments are a competition on who can be the best cheque ninja. After all, it just makes for a good story to tell how you ninja’d the cheque from your family/friends. Some of the better ones I’ve seen are “distract your target with a cute baby while you go pay” and “prepay with cash before the meal so when the bill comes, it’s just change.” Paying on the way to the bathroom? That’s child’s play compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen my relatives do.

If you’ve got a good cheque ninja story, do tell.

…or, in my case, ON the weekend.  There’s a hard project deadline on Monday, and unfortunately that means going into the office on the weekend to finish up the alpha so it can be demo’d at a conference.  I’ve been working 10 hour days the past couple of days, and quite honestly I’m rather amazed at how well my team has performed.  Not that they suck, far from it in fact, but given the time frame and the feature creep, we got a lot done.  There are a few more bugs to crush, and hopefully they’ll be ironed out tomorrow.  It’s almost like those all-nighters for 300 and 361 all over again.  Not quite though, because I can’t do all nighters anymore.

After work today was a family dinner because an aunt of mine was visiting from Hong Kong.  Being the only member of my generation there, I mainly left the conversation to the elders.  Most of their discussion centred around Hong Kong politics, an area of which I have no way to contribute in any meaningful discourse.  However, as soup was being served, the conversation somehow shifted to the purchasing of underwear.  Like many people, hearing your parents and their generation broaching these subjects is a little, how shall we say…awkward.  On a scale of one to “Grandma asking you what’s new in sex,” this was moving along on the wrong side of the awkward line really fast.

My aunt: “You know, people in Hong Kong line up for those Victoria’s Secret catalogs.  It’s crazy!”

My brain: “Doo doo doo, just eating soup.  Yup, just eating soup.”

Aunt’s friend: “Yeah, it’s better than reading Playboy, isn’t it? Haha!”

My brain: “LALALA JUST EATING SOUP LALALALA.”

My aunt: “You know, I saw the fattest woman trying on a bra in one of those Victoria’s Secret stores? It wasn’t nice to see at all.”

My brain: “Oh great, like I needed THAT image when eating dinner.  Never mind, think about something else.  Uhh…the Canucks! Bleh, too depressing.  Okay, uh, how do I fix that bug? No that’s work, you’ll have time for that tomorrow.  Ah, screw it, just zone out into the chicken.”

Bah, I need to sleep.  I better not dream about fat people.

Ever since I started working, I thought it would take a while before I would become “one of the old hands.”  Or, in the words of one of my co-workers, a dinosaur.  Fresh out of university, first job and you tell me under two years I’d be a project team lead and one of the more experienced guys in the company, I would’ve laughed at you.  It’s weird how it crept up on me, not unlike what happened with my involvement in the CSSS.  In about a year I went from a guy who helped out a lot to knowing the ins and outs of the executive, most of the constitution, operation of the department and important procedures for student society operations.  Mind you, considering I was there 5.5 years, that’s almost 20% of my time there so I guess that isn’t unreasonable.
At work I went from the newbie who built a hockey pool tracking system to a guy who works particularly well with stats and the back end of major projects.  I never really liked being singled out in front of a crowd to be congratulated on a job well done.  Being the centre of attention is uncomfortable for the most part, which is ironic because I always liked playing in a band at a rocking good concert.  Just knowing that your co-workers/peers respect you and want you on their team is good enough for me.  Although I do realize that without my manager saying “hey, he did a good job” in a staff meeting, the higher ups wouldn’t have been aware of my accomplishments, and the higher ups are how your career moves along.  Life gives you opportunities; it’s when you’re willing to work for them and step out of your comfort zone in that you succeed.  Funny thing is, I’m pretty sure I’m still the youngest person at work.  Crazy, eh?

In a completely separate vein, I think I’ll be waiting a few months to pick up a DSLR.  After taking some advice from the photography nerds I know among friends and co-workers, I’ll wait for the XSi to come out in April and grab an XTi body on sale.  I’ll probably get an EF 50 f1.8 lens to start off because it’s a good bang for the buck lens from what I’ve read.  I’ll have to do some more research to find a good lens that’ll give me a higher f-stop and a bit of zoom.  I don’t expect the weather to cooperate until then to yield any decent pictures anyways.  I haven’t geeked out like this in a while, I’d forgotten what it was like.

Random quote of the day: “Welcome to the Armpit Express.  Please hold on for maximum safety.” - Bus driver on the 135 during the afternoon rush hour