Better Know a Hockey Fan: The Backseat Coach
In this series “Better Know a Hockey Fan,” the topics covered have been The Poolie, The Gambler, and The Puck Bunny. Today I will discuss The Backseat Coach.
Much like coaching personalities in hockey, The Backseat Coach varies in volume while watching a game. The quietest person you know could be the most boisterous once the puck drops, and that loudmouth who never shuts up about anything can turn into the biggest mutterer you’ve ever met. The Backseat Coach might seem like a know-it-all, and, depending on personality, can be quite arrogant (see: Cherry, Donald S.) or pretty informative. The former is very annoying, and probably deserves a punch or two.
The Backseat Coach sees the game from a different perspective from the typical fan. While most people cheer the slick puck control work of Pavel Datsyuk to get around the defenceman, The Backseat Coach appreciates the two quick passes that started the breakout. When some gripe at a defenceman for not knocking down a breakaway pass, The Backseat Coach complains about the winger that turned the puck over at the offensive blueline just before the breakaway pass. You’ll often hear him complain about line combinations, how bad the actual coach is at juggling player ice time or why Player X is or is not on the power play. “Good stick” and “way to go boys” are a couple of phrases you’ll hear often, as is “GET IT DEEP!” and “Watch the trailer, watch the trailer!”
The Backseat Coach will be able to tell you the difference between a 1-2-2 system and a Left Wing Lock, the pros and cons on the dump and chase strategy, and how to break down a passive penalty kill box. He’ll also usually have a whipping boy on the team, a guy he likes to rag on because of overall poor performance or just because that one time he lost the game on a bad pass. He’ll know just enough to make you think he could coach hockey, but in reality, he’s no better than any of the other guys out there with half-baked line combinations and a can-do attitude.
You’ll notice The Backseat Coach is always clamouring for a replay, even if he saw it the first time. The more angles to analyze a play, the better as far as he’s concerned. Hindsight is always 20/20, and boy does he have a lot of it. It’s always easy to criticize when the action is slowed down and is viewable from the six or seven different angles the cameras offer, but on the ice, players only have one view. Victory provides a pretty big high for The Backseat Coach, because he recognizes every play that went into getting it. On the flip side, defeat is that much more bitter because there are infinitely more what-ifs than just that crossbar (stupid Lafayette) or that kicked in goal (stupid Otto).
Usefulness: Providing you know one that isn’t a dick, you can learn a few more intricacies about the game if you ask The Backseat Coach to explain it. When one is passionate enough to learn strategy, one is passionate enough to teach it. Otherwise, just throw popcorn at him and tell him to pipe down so everyone else can watch.
Next up: The “Shoot It” Guy