The Penalty Box

In this series of “Better Know a Hockey Fan,” I have covered The Poolie and The Gambler.  The subject of this post is The Puck Bunny.

Often clad in pink team merchandise (I still maintain that the inventor of the pink jersey should burn in hell), The Puck Bunny is usually one of the more vocal fans you will see attending/watching a hockey game. They’re like groupies for hockey players. You will also see them carrying signs affixed with glitter written on brightly coloured poster board carrying a marriage proposal for their favourite player du jour. Not that there aren’t male Puck Bunnies, as evidenced by the following photographic evidence (at least, I think this one is male).

The Puck Bunny is in the general age range of teenage to early twenties, is predominantly female and has the hockey sense of your average wet paper bag. Not unlike your typical screaming boy band fanatic, The Puck Bunny has more interest in a player’s marital status than his current goal total. There are even web sites dedicated to keeping track of these things.

No NHL player has been stalked to my knowledge, but you never know what happens with major junior players in small town Canada (especially since those kids are in the same age bracket as The Puck Bunny). Need proof? Go attend a major junior hockey game, like the Vancouver Giants. You won’t have to look hard for puck bunnies, they’ll be the ones screeching. Try to listen carefully to what they say, if you’re willing to risk your ears bleeding from the pitch of their voices, and you’ll understand just how crazy it gets. At least it’s not Beatles/Elvis crazy though; my uncle once told me the story of Beatles fans trying to trap Paul McCartney’s farts into a bottle so they could smell it later.

The most fascinating part of a hockey game for The Puck Bunny is the interview of the player, because that’s when she will get to know the “real .” Cliches demonstrate sensitivity…or…something.  Upon seeing her favourite player, The Puck Bunny may emit a sound which I can only describe as “squealing,” although that’s doing pigs a disservice. On occasion, this “squealing” may rise above the range of human hearing (in which case you only need worry if you have a pet dog).

Usefulness: Unless you’re a hockey player looking for a booty call, they’re just annoying.  Except when they’re hot.  And you have earplugs.

Next up: The Backseat Coach