The Penalty Box

My co-worker and I had a discussion today about how certain people are really good at discretely paying a cheque without anyone noticing until it’s too late. I commented that this was fairly prevalent in Chinese culture (the term “cage match” adequately describes some family dinners, particularly if the family is from out of town). He mentioned that he has seen it amongst Koreans as well, leading me to wonder if this is just a Southeast Asian thing. He said it’s something “whiteys” do as well (for note, he’s white, so I assume he knows what he’s talking about), but generally they fall into three general categories:

1. Split evenly among X, where X is the number of people attending the meal.
2. Everyone chips in what they owe.
3. Everyone takes turns paying for the meal, rotating on some pre-determined basis.

Most of my experience with my western friends falls into category 2. A corollary to this method is what my friends call “The Beer Economy.” The way it works is if you owe Jack some form of monetary compensation, whether it be a meal or a small loan to buy something, you can pay Jack back by buying him beer, where beer is generally beer but can also take the form of some other thing when going out somewhere (movie ticket, shots, dinner, et al). A new method introduced by my co-worker is the “Credit Card Lottery,” which is an offshoot of category 3. This is where everyone puts their credit card into the bill folder and asks the waiter/waitress to randomly select a card to pay for the meal. A novel idea, but it takes a fairly long time for it to even out amongst the group should it grow beyond a small party. Still, it’s a safer form of gambling that provides entertainment and food.

Chinese bill payments are nowhere near as civil. Arguments never turn maliciously violent, but there have been occasions of wrestling. I have also seen moves that would put the Harlem Globetrotters to shame. Reasons used in arguments include (but are not limited to):

• “I’m older than you.”
• “Your kids are out of the house.”
• “I’m staying at your place.”
• “You’re staying at my place, so I’m hosting you.”
• “You have kids.”
• “It’s my birthday.”
• “It’s your birthday.”
• “You’re a growing boy/girl.” (This happens as long as there’s someone older than you)
• “I know the manager.”
• “You’re a student.”

A couple happen with my western friends (namely “it’s your birthday” and “you’re a student”). Honestly though, I’m pretty sure most of the arguments are a competition on who can be the best cheque ninja. After all, it just makes for a good story to tell how you ninja’d the cheque from your family/friends. Some of the better ones I’ve seen are “distract your target with a cute baby while you go pay” and “prepay with cash before the meal so when the bill comes, it’s just change.” Paying on the way to the bathroom? That’s child’s play compared to some of the stuff I’ve seen my relatives do.

If you’ve got a good cheque ninja story, do tell.