The Penalty Box

Tonight I went to my fourth Canucks game this season, hoping I would be able to avoid my first losing record in one season of attending Canucks games. Previous to this season, I had only attended one loss. This season, including tonight, I have attended three. Not the greatest record I could hope for. Something has been off this season, and it’s really screwing with my gameday superstitions. It’s an odd quirk I’ve developed over the years as a hockey fan; some superstitions are ingrained, some change. It really is an illogical method of decision-making, but in the weird, twisted part of my mind that occupies my love of the sport, it makes sense. I know it will only get worse once the playoffs start, and since there hasn’t been playoff hockey in Vancouver for three years, I’m only going to get more twitchy the deeper the Canucks go. In some crazy way, it’s really a lot of fun.

Really.

Stop looking at me like that.

The game still had some entertaining points, albeit most of them came in the fan interaction. It was a promotional night for Telus, so every fan got a towel. Fitting, since it’s the 25th anniversary of the birth of “Towel Power” in Vancouver. As the disc jockey started ramping up the crowd for the game, everyone started waving their towels. And, just for a second, I had what could be called a daydream. All the images of 1982 filled my mind, from “King” Richard Brodeur making the saves to the welcoming of the team back from New York to the chants of “Haaaaaaaaa-roooooold, Haaaaaaaa-rooooold.” Then there was the image of Roger Neilson holding up a stick with a white towel on it and his players following suit. Then, 1994. The Life Line. Towel Power and the White Wave. The Save. Bure in overtime. Adams in overtime. Clank. I came out of that to the chants of “Go Canucks Go” as the crowd drowned out the music coming out of the speakers. Game time.

A few minutes before actual puckdrop, Don Cherry and Ron MacLean were doing a HNIC spot.  Cherry was wearing a ridiculous hat.  Some Calgary fan tried to drape a Flames flag behind them.  Fin, the Canucks mascot, decided to grab the flag, pretend to eat it and wipe his armpits with it.  The crowd had a good laugh and he passed it back to the Calgary fan, who was pretty good-natured about it.  Not quite MacTavish ripping out Harvey the Hound’s tongue, but still pretty funny.
Things didn’t start well. The Canucks gave up the first goal, and a Flames fan yelled, “WHAT’S YOUR SAVE PERCENTAGE LUONGO??!” My response? “BETTER THAN BRODEUR’S, WHAT’S KIPPRUSOFF’S?” Yeah okay, not the most original, but it shut him up.

There was a kid behind me with an annoying horn. He was a Canucks fan, but I still wanted to break the damn thing.

A cowboy started dancing in my section. The guy beside me yelled, “SIT DOWN BROKEBACK!” Slightly amusing, but he wasn’t even drunk so it wasn’t near as funny.

When the Canucks scored their second goal to make it 3-2, I thought, “They’re finally getting up for this game.”  I looked at the scoreboard and the ad that happened to appear there at that moment was Viagra.  I chuckled.

In the end the Canucks lost so it was a bit of a letdown. I have to go rearrange some of my jerseys now.

WHAT.

THE.

FRAK.

Then again, that’s pretty much been my reaction for the previous two season finales anyways.  What’s crueler this time around is that the next season won’t be for 9 months.  NINE FRAKKING MONTHS.  The release date for the next season is early 2008.  Even the 24 cliffhangers weren’t like this.  Why, Sci-fi, why?

I don’t know if you’ve lived here long, I can’t tell. You don’t dress like a flaming Honger or others of that ilk. In case you didn’t know, it rains a lot in this part of Canada. You obviously are prepared, given that you have an umbrella. However, it does appear that you need some sort of training in the operation of such a device. I know it can sometimes be complicated, especially if you have the mental capacity of a six year old (maybe your mother drank during her pregnancy, I don’t know). But here’s a tip: when you are sitting down, don’t sweep your umbrella over the seats in front of and beside you. Rain makes things wet, and your umbrella is no exception. In making this retarded move, you have just soaked three seats and flung water onto another two. People need to sit there, dumbass, and it’s not going to help their mood to have to sit on a wet seat when the weather gods are attempting to create the second coming of the Great Flood. Close your umbrella and wrap it up before you sit down instead of flinging water everywhere because you’re too incompetent to put away your umbrella properly.

Yours in contempt,
Eugene

Do any of you have irritating public transit stories? If so, do share. I know not all the transit misfits are residing in my neck of the woods.

On a lighter note, I found this little gem after watching Just For Laughs. This is for fans of Queen and classic rock.

(Linky)

People with too much time and the Internet usually doesn’t bode well, but often it yields entertainment such as this.

(Linky)

Credit to Bishnu who found this.

I had to attend a family lunch today.  There are good ones and bad ones.  Today was one of the bad ones.  I don’t mean “bad” as in “ZOMG FAMILY DRAMA” but more “bad” as in “kill me out of boredom, please.”  All of my cousins didn’t show, so I was the only “kid” there, so to speak.  Thinking ahead, I brought along my DS in case my cousins decided to cop out (which they did).  Unfortunately, the boredom gods were spiteful today, and the battery on my DS died.  As a result, I had to give more free computer advice to my uncle, who by all account should never be allowed to use one.  Ever.  He keeps buying things like Norton Internet Security when his son tells him not to and he wonders why his computer slows to a crawl.  It’s one of those times where you want to say “listen to those who know more than you and stop being a dumbass” but you can’t.
The choice of restaurant was not a good one either (Earl’s).  Of all the western style restaurants listed above “fast food,” Earl’s seems to have the least selection.  They had more wine selections than food selections, which says something.  The food took almost an hour to arrive, from order time to serving, and the waitress forgot something as simple as water.  Also, apparently finding change was a difficult exercise as well.  Is “subtraction” a skill not required for being in food service?

It was not just the restaurant that made the experience unpleasant.  My uncle, the same one that shouldn’t be allowed to use a computer, is a rather picky eater.  However, he refuses to actually read the menu.  He ordered a seafood pasta, which is somewhat of a misnomer on the part of Earl’s because it mostly contains salmon.  This is outlined quite clearly in the menu, but he didn’t read it and decided to complain there was too much salmon when it arrived.  He had the foresight to ask if the sauce was alfredo, because he’s semi-allergic to tomatoes, and the waitress told him it was a mix of tomato and alfredo.  He ordered it anyways.  He complained about that when it arrived too.  Of course, this was done out of the earshot of the waitress, because he’s a passive aggressive complainer like that.  Another “please shut up” moment in which I couldn’t say “please shut up.”

A little over two hours after arriving at the restaurant, we dispersed to head home.  That’s the average time for most family lunches like this, but this time even the food didn’t make up for the length and the complaints of my uncle.  And I still had to finish off what my grandmother couldn’t finish.  Because I’m still a growing boy and all.

Sometimes there are advantages to being flaky and disappearing from family events.